You know, a lot of people ask me – I mean, enough that I would remark on it – well, they ask…
What are the start and end dates for Pie Season 2017/18?
Thank you. This season began on Sunday 15th October, with a maple ham pie, created to celebrate the onset of Autumn, and the Toronto Maple Leafs’ winning start to their new season. It looks set to end around late February, early March (yes, you’re right, previous Seasons have gone way into March and April, but let’s face it, we’re in a whole world of uncertainties right now, so I’m going to call it early. No, I know that doesn’t follow as a line of thinking. But what you gonna do?) On the 24th of February I’m off to see Morrissey in Leeds. I kind of told myself that I’d hang it up after the Hull gig in 2015, and was pretty conflicted all week, what with the expense and it being a weekend and all – but, hey, you follow your heart. That’s what I’ve been telling people.
Why is this Pie Season off to such a slow start?
I think that’s kind of judgey. As with all previous Seasons this one will find its own rhythm. I swear to god I can never spell rhythm without checking. When I was in bands and stuff in Leeds there was a group called Rhythm Method. I remember my mum reading the name out in the newspaper’ gig listings, and then getting all flustered about saying that out loud.
Can you tell us about the thinking behind the Apple Pie?
Yeah, that was kind of spontaneous. We had all these apples from Uncle Pat and Auntie Dympna’s garden (yes, I totally had to check Dympna – maybe it’s words with those ‘y’s, or the absence of expected vowels. At junior school we had a spelling test, all lined up against a wall, and I got ‘yacht’ to spell. I messed it up. My friend had to spell ‘hundred’, and claimed it was more difficult because it was a big number. Trump-logic, right there, way back then.) Also, I found these cinnamon sticks in the cupboard and wanted to add that crazy antiseptic autumnal sensation. As it turned out, I stewed the apples too long and had to go get a huge one from Sainsbury’s – which kind of diluted the family-sourced-ness of the effort. The checkout lady said ‘ooh, that’s a big apple!’ I started to reply something but my voice did that not-ready-to-make-coherent-sounds thing and I just squeaked at her. Anyway, I liked how the pastry strips looked like ocean waves (apple-related how?) similar to my inky drawings.
Do you sometimes wonder why you even bother?
No. Not really.
What’s next up, this Pie Season?
Thanks for the question. There’s ready-rolled pastry wants using (as my mother would say – in that Yorkshire way of putting the active element on the inanimate), and the next few weekends aren’t going to accommodate any baking, so – but you just want to know what the next pie is, right?
Okay. Well, because of something that happened this week, it’s going to have to be largely potato-centric. We may go up the way to the farm butcher’s and see what’s in. I know how none of this sits well with being a Morrissey fan. Apart from the potatoes.
You don’t know what you’re making, do you?
No. But that’s cool. And you might want to drop the light aggression. Bloody hell, I just so spelled that with one ‘g’. I did that once in an English Literature essay, with ‘exaggeration’. Hamlet essay, it was. But for some reason I had to write ‘exaggerate’ a lot (I know, I get the joke), and what made it worse was I used to do these ‘g’s like they are in this typeface – but handwritten – because I was trying to copy the style of the handwritten lyrics on Gary Numan’s The Pleasure Principle album inner sleeve. So every instance of my singular ‘g’ was drawn extra attention to by the marking teacher. And that kind of made me realise how foolish the whole thing was. Or at least to question my motives. I don’t know. But I think that’s everything answered.