Voice 1: In the Light
I remember it was a Saturday afternoon. We’d been going out for about a month. We were at his house. The TV was on – some home makeover programme which we were only really half-watching – and the sun, that low winter afternoon sun, was streaming in the windows. It must have just reached a certain spot on the wall and suddenly the TV screen was just unwatchable with the glare. And I remember being really aware that I was looking at the reflection of us on the sofa together. And I realised that this didn’t feel comfortable and we didn’t look comfortable – like, at ease – next to each other. I think he was aware of it too. It could’ve been a funny thing, or something silly to remark on, but I think we both just felt embarrassed seeing ourselves together. So that’s when I knew.
This is going to sound really daft, but he honestly had no idea of what a ‘bed voice’ is. I don’t mean anything sexy or smoochy – which he totally thought I did. I mean that when you’re talking in bed, at night, that you don’t just use a normal speaking volume. He totally didn’t get that. He would just start up these conversations in the dark in his normal voice. I’d go, like, ‘sshhhh – speak softer’ – and when I said about whispering and having a bed voice, he’d just make fun and pretend to go all husky and sexy. It’s not what I meant at all. He said why should we whisper when we’re the only ones in the house? I said, because it’s night time. Everyone whispers at night. He didn’t get that at all. I think I just wanted someone who did.