‘A Lady’ Laid Low

With the matter of my previous hobbling post much in mind, I was amused to unearth this brief ‘related’ article in an undated magazine; again, I estimate it was produced and published around 1905-1910.

‘A Lady is Laid Low’

Upon a right-thinking, genteel and just society there can be no malaise more exacting than that which robs A Lady of her beguiling gait.

A commonplace whore might, with yellowed eyeballs agog, feverishly devour the prospect of a proffered throb, a swelling, a grotesquely inflamed muscle, in as much as it suits her inner malingering to adorn herself (at another’s expense) with the external and ragged attire of disfigurement – whilst in fragrant contrast, A Lady with a limp is as an angel with diaphanous wing removed.

Turning unfavourably the bones of my lower limbs as I strained to inspect some household miscalculation, I am laid low in a moderate torpor, attending to instructions to treat the objectionable strain thus, in the light-headed, school-girlish manner of one beset with nostalgic yearnings for the simpler days of one’s nursery:

– A linen soaked in broth of oxtail, applied to the area

– To lunch, a plain beef omelette in aspic

– To supper, a carp in walnuts

– Breakfast Wine

And to spiritual succour, The History of Our Lord, clung to my white breast as a whore might suffocate with false love a small pet, or, for a blackened coin, a monstrous and temporary mate.

About Stevie Mitchell

I come from a long line of cartoons and beer. I was once peed on by a tiger. Hoping the resultant super-powers are yet to come, cos if these are they, then, grrrr....
This entry was posted in Books, Family History, Literature, The Home and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to ‘A Lady’ Laid Low

  1. Puts me in mind of Mark Gatiss’ ‘Lucifer Box’ character. I can imagine him writing this piece. Every morning should start reading a line like “the prospect of a proffered throb”. Thanks for that.

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