Monthly Archives: June 2012

The Smell of Other People’s Houses

When I was a young innovator of incomparable flair, humility and panache, I had the notion for a scented plug-in doohickey that filled the home with aromas of sumptuous cooking. Be assured this was ages before anyone else came up … Continue reading

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The Hyundai Years

Hyundai, it’s announced at every match we catch here in bars – Partenaire Officiel de l’Euro 2012. I’m assuming this gorgeous brand affiliation is the case back home too.* Fucking Korean piece of shit, was how the good people at … Continue reading

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Hearts on Fire

Wednesday night, altar server of the seventies, was Novena night, the mass when they brought out the serious glitz and pomp, when we blinged it for Mary and a small hardcore congregation of mainly quivering nuns. I liked these devotional … Continue reading

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La Vache Magique

The amah answers the door, lets in the young man with straw-coloured hair, a mustard polo, oatmeal slacks and ox-blood loafers. ‘Bonjour’, he says, and in place of raising a hat, for he hasn’t one, he lifts and lowers the … Continue reading

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How To Open Weetabix

Readers note that since this was published – over 4 years ago – Weetabix has changed its packaging and many of the crumbly woes detailed herein are no longer experienced. Picture the scene. It’s breakfast time and you’re gagging for some. … Continue reading

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Brer Sleep

My father routinely lies awake at night and this I do too. As a child, sleepless with worry about a different or unclear tomorrow, Dad from the doorway tells me two techniques. One, to think about every holiday we’ve had, … Continue reading

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